lost

crying in my shrinking circle of dank nothingness,
dying in my own shadow,
the zephyr is stinging in my nerves,
the pain is buried in my heart,
and nobody understands.
the cold-blooded lords of society believe they know me,
they will yield for their mistakes with dread,
nobody will take me away,
not me,
i don't want to go anywhere,
except nothingness,
i've had enough pain,
leave me be please,
go away!
but nobody listens,
nobody hears my screams of despair slashing through my teared eyes
like the daggers of broken glass of my shattered heart,
keeping the nightmares alive....
the nightmares......my god....
they will never know,
nobody dreams like this,
for a nobody i love,
alone in my own vortex,
huddled on my black shadow,
always ever present by my side.
they call me a freak,
well i'll freak them,
nobody will stop that,
i can't stop anything.
alone in my whimsical murder of shadows,
i mingle with the lost souls,
the lost ones surround me,
they share a face i recognise,
my own face,
every one has my face,
a cry for help,
then as oneness they close in,
choking my life away,
bleeding my soul,
strangling,
suffocating,
numbing my pain,
i abandon myself and wait for the end,
the pain never stops,
the shadows crumble to soft ashes and i'm alone,
where nobody cares or understands,
alone in my soul,
the freak inside me twisting around,
i scream,
until it hurts,
and then scream louder.
the bastards who created life didn't think about me,
i will avow my revenge,
burn down their castles of ivory,
bury the bastards in shards of poisoned glass,
let them bleed out my misery,
see them writhe,
whilst i withdraw once more to my emptiness
and lock myself away from the lies.
can i never let anybody die?
leave me to cry now in the chilly winter of loneliness,
on a bed of dead roses.

mark snellgrove
1 december 1996